This has become a routine now… The exhaustion when I get home from work, forcing me to nap until the early hours of the morning when I wake and feel like being overly productive. Maybe I have too much on my mind? I don’t know. Whatever it is, it’s throwing off my sleep schedule.

To add fuel to the fire, I find myself staying up absurdly late on weekend night only to be forced to correct that choice come Sunday evening when I need to get up early for work the next day.

It’s 4:07AM right now as I’m typing this and I only hope that my mind feels the need to rest soon, since I still have to finish my Christmas shopping…

Sometimes, as I sit here in the darkness of my room, I reflect on my life. Have I become what I wanted to become. Are my parents/siblings/friends proud of me like I hope they would be? What could I have done differently?

I also think about how I could improve myself. No one is perfect, but you can try to be. I don’t want to be perfect, but I want to be accepted. So I’ll continue to sit here thinking about how I can improve myself, for my family, and for my friends.

This familiar time sneaks up on me way too fast. The weekend flies by and the only thing I can do is now stare at the clock because I’m too hyped up on Mountain Dew and tea that I can’t fall asleep yet. Tomorrow I’ll wake up groggy, not wanting to move, yet still have to go to work.

However, on the bright side, I helped my friend Meghan out with some of her final projects for school this weekend. She seems prepared and confident for her portfolio review tomorrow, so that makes me happy. I also lent my friend Brayden my video camera earlier today to record a project he was doing, and in return, he graciously was hooked me up with a new, free, MacBook battery (mine had died, and he works at the Apple store).

On a personal note of productivity, I uploaded this original composition for my friend Nadia:

Last night was our company’s holiday party.

I got pretty drunk.

I passed out on the T ride home.

Then my roommates abandoned me on the T to get burritos.

The train turned around and I ended up somewhere far from home.

That was fun.

Today,

My friend got hit by a cab. Thankfully, they didn’t sustain any injuries at all, but honestly, what the fuck to the cab driver. Oh, did I mention the cab driver fled the scene?

We filed a police report. Luckily, some other witnesses besides myself  helped distinguish his cab and license plate number before he drove out of view. Hopefully he’s fired from his job, at the least…

I’m so happy that my friend is alright, because it could have ended up much worse than it did.

It was a great way to end a pleasant Sunday night of Christmas shopping…

Here I am drinking coffee at 1AM, trying desperately to think of interesting topics to write about for my creative writing project, before I go to bed.

Lately, I’ve been living the routine of coming home around 6:30, playing some games for awhile, eating dinner, and then playing the piano. In that specific order. Before I know it, it’s close to midnight and I remember that I promised myself that I would write two pieces of writing every day. It doesn’t help that I always feel tired. And I cannot go to bed before midnight or I feel like I’m wasting time and being unproductive.

My body is in a stalemate with my drive for productivity. And it sucks, bad.